In pitfall #8, we discussed how it can be dangerous to let something that is a deal-breaker pass as a preference. This invites us to ask ourselves if there should ever be a chance for change when a deal-breaker is found. Should you immediately walk away when a deal-breaker is found? The person that you marry is going to be an imperfect sinner. The person your spouse is going to marry (you) is also a sinner. Everyone has made mistakes before, some are bigger deal-breakers than others, but we need to learn how to allow for change, forgive, and accept the fact that no one marries a perfect person. One example is that most men in the world have struggled with pornography at some point and that struggle is often a deal-breaker for women. There are three options in this situation, either she can immediately cut the relationship off, she can decide to allow for change and it doesn’t actually happen, or she can allow for change and it actually happens. If you have an upfront conversation about the deal-breaker and they do not wish to change, then leaving the relationship is the best option. In pitfall #8 we discussed the danger in not leaving a relationship when you should, which would encapsulate the second option. The challenge then becomes knowing when change is occurring and when it is not occurring. The Atonement of Jesus Christ allows us to change. In the garden of Eden, after Adam and Eve had partaken of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, Satan wanted them to immediately partake of the fruit of the tree of life so that they would live forever in their sins (Alma 42:4-7). The Lord did not allow this to happen and He caused the tree to be guarded by cherubim and flaming sword. As it says in Alma 12:24, “there was a space granted unto man in which he might repent; therefore this life became a probationary state”. This life is our time to make mistakes and learn from them. We should grant ourselves and others the opportunity to change and repent, including those we date. Next we will discuss Pitfall #10.